So a triathlete walks into a physical therapy clinic...

I am a triathlete. I am also a physical therapist. I tend to think I am a pretty good therapist in most instances. I also tend to think I am the world's worst patient. Sometimes I think about how the evaluation would go if I walked into my own office...

Me (PT): What brings you here today?

Me (triathlete): I hurt. Everywhere.

Me (PT): Can you be a little more specific?

Me (Triathlete): My knee hurts when I run but not when I bike - only after I bike after sitting for more than 33 minutes. Also my back, neck, and shoulders hurt when I bike. But not right away - usually anywhere from 56-61 minutes into my ride. Then the pain will disappear for 43-60 minutes and then it returns. My feet also hurt, and I have a gigundo blister on my big toe. Wanna see it? It's pretty gross. But that's about it.

Me (PT): It sounds like you exercise a lot. Are you training for something?

Me (triathlete): Yes, the Ironman. You have 12 weeks to cure me. I have the 100 most recent pages of my exercise log with exact mileage and hear rate readings if that will help you figure out what is wrong with me.


Me (PT): The Ironman huh?... that is impressive. Are you willing to make some adjustments to your training schedule?


Me (triathlete): You haven't even looked at my 100 page log. Why do you want to change it? And no. I will not stop swimming, biking, and running. I need to finish 140.6 miles in under 17 hours so I can brag for the rest of my life. If I don't do EXACTLY what my training plan says to do I won't be prepared on race day.

Me (PT): I'm not proposing that you stop your training. I'm just saying that we might have to tweak it a little to reduce some of the stresses at your joints - maybe some running in the pool and a look at your body mechanics with each sport. Do you stretch?

Me (triathlete): ehh, kind of... not really. I think about stretching. Does that count?


Me (PT): No. Do you weight train?

Me (triathlete): Who has time for that when my life is swim, bike, run, eat, sleep, work, repeat?

Me (PT): Can you tell me what some of your goals are for the race?

Me (triathlete): Sure! I've got lots of them.


1) I want to finish the Ironman in under 17 hours without being swept off the course so I can hear Mike Reilly call my name.
2) I want to get through the bike without a flat tire or getting Gu all over my face.
3) I would preferably like to finish with the need for only 1 bag of IV fluids.

4) I would also like to be pain-free. But I don't think that is possible. So I would at least like to start the day pain-free.


There's more. Shall I go on?


Me (PT): That will not be necessary. I think we have some work to do.

PT assessment: Patient is a triathlete. All hope is lost. She will not listen to one thing I recommend unless I tell her it's OK to buy the ultra-light, super-cushioned, super-expensive running shoe or give her a massage.

PT Plan: Transfer patient to a new therapist. The poor therapist won't know what hit him.